Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Screw This!!What do you mean I don't get to live my life as a Post? I don't want to be just a 'Draft'!!!!!!

I was going through my posts, and realized 'WOW' I have alot of drafts.

Some I cannot even remember titling, starting, or thinking of - Was I drunk blogging?? Who Knows!

Anyway, so instead of going back, trying to actually add to these posts, I am just going to list the titles.

  • What is a 'Good' Mom? What is a 'Good' Kid? - This was going to be a long, rambly post. How as parents we all have different opinions, views, thoughts, ideas for what is the best way to raise our children. But as long as there is happiness, love, and NO abuse, then everything is all good. I was also going to go write from the viewpoint of the children also. What defines a 'good kid'? I have some friends, who have kids the same age as mine. When we have our girls night happy hour, it can sometimes turn into a Child Bragging night! I just want to drink and eat hot wings ladies. My children are AWESOME! I will brag to my parents about them. Grandparents care!! Friends?? We just want a rum and coke! I had many other reasons for this post, but it turned so jumbled, that I gave up. I will go back to this post one day, but I need to gather my thoughts better. 
  • Untitled - Picture of Husband eating??? But not showing his face, only fork full of food. Perhaps it was going to be a recipe post??

  • Untitled - Picture of a pile of clothing tags. I was going to write a post about how sometimes I tear tags off my new clothes, then stuff them in weird places, as opposed to tossing in the trash can. I cleaned out my closet, and seriously, SERIOUSLY.....You would not believe this pile of hidden tags. Is there a reality show for people with this issue? O.K. I will be honest, sometimes I go shopping when I shouldn't. Like the day after my husband and I have a talk on budgeting, savings, and retirement. So, I tear tags off,hide them, and say 'Oh, this old thing, I've had this'. Honey, if you are reading this, I know that you know I do this. It's one of the cute things you love about me.......right?? Honey??

  • I don't like change! Well, sometimes I do....but mostly I don't! -Started to write about how I have had the same doctor since I was 12.Also, the same dentist since I was 5. He is now 102 years old I think, but I still trust him drilling my teeth. I don't like change people!
  • Untitled -Picture of my cat. Does anyone really care? Probably why I scrapped that one.
  • Are Men and Women meant to be together?   - this one must have been after a fight with hubby. The fight had me pondering being a lesbian. I really don't ever fight with my girlfriends.......
  • Woop Woop!! - Not quite sure. This draft had no body to the post. Maybe Margaritas brought on this title.
  • Untitled - Picture of my wine glass in front of fire pit in backyard. Hmmm, was I going to 'brag about how I am relaxing by the fire, with a glass of wine, hanging with my wonderful husband, enjoying the beautiful evening'??? Noooo, that is what Facebook is for. Giving minute by minute, second by second play by plays, about how wonderful your husband/life/kids/dinner/coffee/insert any word, is or are! Uggh, Facebook braggers BUG ME! Maybe that was going to be the post, a joking, ridiculing of the FB (Facebrook Braggers)!!! WHO CARES HOW WARM YOUR COFFEE IS! WHO CARES! O.K., they bug me, but sometimes I do it. Not gonna lie! ;)
  • The only thing I begged my parents for when I was young, was clothes- Boring title. I think I was going to write about all of the F'ing things that kids need want these days!
  • JUSTIN BIEBER We are coming for you! - Yes my followers, I bought Justin Bieber tickets!Yes I went into work late last week so that I could sit in front of, not one, but two computers, multi mousing, waiting for the clock to change to 12 noon. The time that pre-sale tickets for the Biebs went on sale to American Express card holders. Yes, I called my Aunt to use her AMEX, as we only have VISA. YES I GOT THE TICKETS. JUSTIN BIEBER, in October at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. YES, MY GIRLS WERE ECSTATIC!! ........................................ I'm  a bit psyched also, not gonna lie. Don't judge the poor kid, until you see his movie. Even my husband was a 'hater' but we duct taped him to the couch, rented the movie, and forced his eyes open. At the end he said, and I quote - "O.K., I'll give it to him. That kid is talented.Pretty cool how he is close to his mom and grandparents too!"
  • When I have a car, I am NEVER going to be home - long story, but my friend and I were able to read texts back and forth between her 15 year old son, and my 15 year old daughter. Both of whom wound up in the same drivers ed class. O.K., not long story. He had his phone taken away, used his grandmas phone all weekend while he was texting my daughter. Then left grandmas, did NOT erase the texts, and the grandma brought the phone over and let us read the texts. Nothin juicy, nothin bad, nothin worth putting anyone on restriction for. THANK GOD! I was reading it, with one eye open, the other eye cringing. You never know with kids and their texting. It brings on courage with words. The most hilarious, downright laugh out loud, you've got to be kidding me, pile of words?  The back and forth conversation they had about when they get their licenses/cars. -
'When I get my car, I am soooo NEVER going to be home'

'Me too! I can't wait'

'I'll be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want'

'I know, it's going to be so cool! I'm never going to be stuck here.'

You just have to laugh at this. I remember thinking the same thing. Car=Freedom!
Boy is she going to be in for a surprise! But I will let her keep living this fantasy life. Until she gets her license in December. Her Dad and I will be responsible for squashing, breaking, and then stomping on, setting fire too, and burying that fantasy. The only thing your car and license will be used for is running to the store to grab milk and toilet paper when we run out. Oh, that, and taking your younger sister to school. No more car pool to the High School for Mama. Daughter has her license fantasy, I have mine! MINE WINS!

There you go! Posts that never made it!

Have a great day, I'm off to work.
Yum Honey! Some of these recipes you find on Pinterest are the Bomb!

I don't mean to brag but...........

A bit random
Another post that never made it.
Limb broke off of plant.
Mom and daughter tried to tape limb back on to plant,so dad would not notice.
Plant being special to dad and all, because mom gave plant to dad when they were first dating.

Note to self.
You cannot tape a limb back onto a plant, tree or bush.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

My husband is LOUD in the kitchen, that is why I am awake!

Oh Husbands.........
They are strong, brave, manly, funny, handsome, loving, caring, and good providers.
My husband takes me on date nights, hugs me when he knows I'm in need of one. He tells me I'm beautiful,smart and funny. He only has eyes for me. He is a wonderful father to our children. Generous, and caring son-in-law to my parents. He works hard for our family, and even harder to maintain a lifestyle that can keep us happy, warm, safe and secure in all aspects.

My husband is a true gem!


Oh, yeah, there is a BIG ASS BUT..

HE IS AS LOUD AS F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He does not shut cabinets quietly!
He slams the microwave door with the strength of He-Man! 
(and NO honey,if you are reading this, that is not a compliment! A compliment would be, "he slams the microwave door, all the while looking exactly like Brad Pitt")
Even the way his key turns in the lock is loud!?!?! WTF??

And this morning??
He was up at 4:00 a.m. getting ready to go fishing.
The kitchen is downstairs, directly below our bedroom. I could hear him searching for something in the cupboard. Loudly!
I could hear him washing his cooler out! Loudly!
I could hear him slamming the meat drawer in the refrigerator. Loudly!
I could hear him grumbling, LOUDLY, because he could not find his 'super special' coffee thermos!

So I am up!
I am awake!
He is going to hear my foot up his..........

Oh... sorry, I was just interrupted mid sentence.


Because that loud, obnoxious, door slamming, inconsiderate husband just ran upstairs to give me a kiss before he took off for fishing. He heard my footsteps, and knew that he had awoken the beast
~yes, I am a beast in the morning. I like my sleep~

I wanted to be upset at him!
Now he has foiled my plans!

Slightly distracted by the beautiful nature outside my window. 
'Hey' is that a blue jay on the bird feeder?
Mornings are kinda peaceful and calming.

Good Morning World!
I guess I'm awake now.

Friday, May 25, 2012

A is for Apple, B is for Ball, F is always for F*CK!!!!

So my daughter had a friend that came over. She proceeded to stand in my kitchen, and cuss!

O.K. She did not exactly cuss, but really?! When you are telling a story, your voice is as loud as a freaking drill sergeant with a bull horn, and you start saying-

"So I was all, like 'Hey Mother F'er! And he was like O.K. You F'Head!" 

"Hey girls, want me to heat up some dinner"?


"So then I was like, she started dating him, and now they are all kissy kissy, so I am like what the F??"

I was standing right there.
She didn't care!

Hey little chicky, this Momma has somethin to say-

Just because you are saying F'er, does not mean my brain isn't computing it as FUCKER!

And just because you say F'Head, does not mean I don't know you mean FUCKHEAD!

And just because you say What The F?, don't think you are making me view you as a sweetheart that would never utter the phrase WHAT THE FUCK!

In the Alphabet
A is for Apple
B is for Ball
C is for Cat
D is for Dog
E is for Elephant
and F is always for FUCK!!!!!!!!

Everybody knows that,
So don't stand in my kitchen saying F,F,F,F,F!

I'm onto you
This Momma is smart
This Momma is not a figment of your imagination
This Momma is not deaf

You are goin over to the naughty side on my list of daughter's friends.
Not sure you can redeem yourself! Don't try to hop back to the other side of the list. I will have to put you there myself, and that may not happen.

We will see...............

* My daughter's are great girls. They have great friends. Even this girl, for all her 'F's' is a Great  semi good girl. She is just one of those obnoxious, makes herself a little toooo at home, loud, kind of girls. She is also a straight A student, and has a crazy, wise beyond her years sense of humor.
During this whole F'ing conversation in the kitchen, both my daughters were squirming like slithering snakes with ADHD. While they were trying to act like they were listening to her story, I know they were too preoccupied looking out for my reaction. I got satisfaction out of listening to them let out fake nervous laughs, all the while looking at one another.
Being a parent is turning into such an entertaining little hobby for me.
Who Knew???

Monday, May 21, 2012

My Little Motley Crew of Children.....Don't you know that I know what you are doing?

This post is just going to be a list of things my kids do, that they think I don't notice,won't notice, don't understand, won't find out, or will just plain go over my head.

Maybe some of it does, but most of it doesn't.

Even if I am the only one who reads this post, I will atleast have record of it, so that when my kids are parents complaining about their teens sneaky ways, I can bust this out.

Look at all of the stuff you guys pulled!!!!
Now stop complaining!

  • When the time restrictions we have set on your cell phone cause it to turn off at 10 p.m. on school nights, DON'T for one second think that I can't hear you tip toeing downstairs to grab the house phone to continue your phone conversation with your boyfriend. BED AT TEN means BED AT TEN! I hear you! I know what you are doing! Now you wonder why the house phone is hidden??? Love you too honey ;)
  • Those Brazilian Cut Bikini Bottoms I found hidden under a towel in your bathroom? They are about a centimeter away from being considered THONG bottoms! When I asked you where you got them, you gave me your best friends name. Really?! Your B.F.F.!! Couldn't think of a random friend? A friend that we don't think of as a daughter.A friend we don't care about? Can't you make up a name? Get with it girl!! And when I tell you to give them back to the B.F.F. (who must think highly of her bootie), and that they are never to grace your bottom again, don't try to STILL KEEP THEM!! Don't sneak and wear them anyway. We grew up in this beach town. Your grandfather is a surfer! We have spies up and down the coast!  I feel a one piece swimsuit punishment coming up........I have a cute one piece from Old Navy that I wore right after my pregnancy.YUP! That'll do just fine. 
  • When it is your dish night, don't purposely "forget" to start the dishwasher, so that you won't have to put them away before bed. I know what you did! I will just make you do them the next day, not your sister!
  • Don't try to trick me into thinking I forgot to give you allowance, just because you overheard me telling your dad that I have been really forgetful lately. Eavesdropping is RUDE! Tricking aging mothers?? Just plain AWFUL! What is my name again??
  • Don't ask me if you can go stay the night at a friends house on a school night because 'you have to get your school project done'. I just checked the school website, and partners were not assigned for that report! I know it is just because Kaley has new makeup, and super cute clothes that you want to borrow! 
  • Son, don't tell me that pack of cigarettes on the dashboard of your car are "my friends, I swear mom" Every time you come home, I pretend to take the trash out, but really I spend about 10 minutes peering through the windows of your car scanning the seats and floorboards for illegal substances,empty beer cans, condom wrappers, and cigarettes! You are 18, yes! But you are still my baby! Make good choices. They belong to a friend MY ASS!
  • Don't tell me that the parents are going to be at this end of the year party. The party you just informed me about. The party that is taking place at your "Super Cool" new friends house; which,by the way, shouldn't I have heard of this 'good friend'? New friends scare me!  A 23 year old, older brother is not parental supervision. What? What's that? How did I know about that? Well, I keep telling you nothing is private when you put it on Facebook! 
  • And you, my little five year old. I know you have teen siblings, but don't use them as an excuse for everything. 'B made me laugh mama, and that is why I can't clean my room!' Ummm, what? That doesn't even get an 'A' for effort. That gets an 'F' for Fricking Ridiculous! That excuse is just plain sad. Weeping into my pillow sad! Learn better from your older siblings little girl. Take better notes on the art of lying, teenage trickery, and fooling your parents. But then after you take all of those notes..


They won't work!


I was a teen also.

Times were different, but the drive for independence  is still the same!

You will test me,
and I will choose my battles.
Certain times I will let you learn your own lesson, but,
other times I will  bug you, nag you, lock you in your room if needed. 
Because I have been there, and when it comes down to it I want you to have fun!
I want you to have stories to tell!
I don't want to make this home a jail!
But I will protect your innocence and childhood for as long as I can.


I love you so much that I may surprise you with that iphone you have been begging for.

Because you are such a good kid!
Because I am such an awesome mom!

OH GOD, just kidding!
You are not that great of a kid, and I am not that awesome (well, I am a bit of an awesome mom..)

Because you will be driving soon. And with a smart phone we can install GPS, Parent/Child tracker, and that app I heard about that stops your phone from texting when your car is in motion.

But you can think it is just because I am an awesome mom! 

Yes, times sure are different!
The only thing to distract me when driving was deciding
which cassette tape to listen to.

Now do the dishes, grab me the scissors so I can cut up those bikini bottoms, let your super cool friend know that you will not be making the party, tell your boyfriend to start calling you earlier in the night (bedtime is at 10 for goodness sake), DO NOT smoke cigarettes, drink beer, do drugs,or have sex.
And you, my five year old! Please just pick up your Barbies and Littlest Pet Shops! Please, for the last time! PLEASE!! Oh, and don't think I won't look under your bed. That is not where your toys go!

I was a kid once too ;)

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mothers Day!You know drive thrus are your second home when........

I love Healthy Food, my mom being a little ahead of her time in the health food department. Now Health food stores are on every corner. It is 'in' to be healthy, organic, buy your peanut butter from a store that makes it right there.
But......When I was young, we had to drive about a half hour to another town south of us to a little health food store, where my mom could torture supply our household with
Buckwheat Pancakes
Homemade Peanut Butter. No salt, no taste, just a 2 inch layer of oily stuff on top.
Bread with nuts, seeds, and other chokable food particles baked in.Wonder Bread was a sin!
Lentils, for whatever kind of concoction she could put lentils into,
Apple juice in a HUGE gigantic jar, and you had to shake it real well before serving, get all the mushy, chunky stuff that had sunk to the bottom mixed in properly.


I also LOVE fast food!

I just love it!

Fast food was not totally forbidden. Just not always allowed. I remember when we would actually get to visit the golden arches. Sweet Heaven! I would be in the backseat, my parents in the front. I would always ask for a cheeseburger, fries and a cok........ then I would get interrupted.
"We have apple juice at home. You don't need a Coke!"

I am not completely 'happy' now!
Only 75% of the Happy Meal was allowed!
Not happy to the fullest!

Once I was old enough to drive, or had my own money, you could not keep me away.
I now 'treat' my kids to fast food a little more than my mom did for me. But I will say, that she sure made up for it with other treats. Every once in a while, my mom would let me stay home from school............. just because. Much to the dismay of my dad. Sorry Dad. She would look out the window, sensing it was going to be a dreary day, and say 'why don't you stay home today? We could get out of the house, go for a drive. Snuggle!Whatever the day brings' 
You don't have to ask me twice!

I thank you mom! I thank you for your love,
your guidance,
your support,
your ability to always show patience, even when you were frustrated.

I love you despite the fact that you made a Anchovy Casserole one of the first times that my new, cool, popular best friend stayed the night. 
I love you despite the fact that you did not let me live off of cheeseburgers and soda.
I love you even though you did not understand that Guess and Esprit clothing would make me a happier teen.
I love you despite the fact that you did not let me buy the Madonna Like a Virgin cassette, and when Aunt J tried to buy it for me, you made her return it.
I love you despite the fact that I was the last of my friends to wear a bikini.
I love you despite the fact you would show up at my friends houses to bring me back home, because you changed your mind 'you cannot stay the night, I just have a weird feeling about what you girls are up to' 

Mostly Mom, I love you because you made me who I am today! 
I love you because you showed me more love and support than anyone on the face of this universe.
I love you Mom, because thanks to you I get complimented on my loving nature, my kindness towards others, and my ability to be a good mom.
Mom, you are a great mom!
I love you for you!

My kids love you because, due to the fact that I was traumatized in not being allowed to eat a ton of junk food, I am now trying to make it up to them in some twisted, weird, therapy needing, junk food desiring, post traumatic stress, french fry over spoiling lifestyle!! 
Thanks Mema!
Thanks Mema for not letting our Mama eat from those golden arches. It gave mom weird fast food issues, and she now spoils us with it.
You are the best Mema in the whole entire world!

Below is a Lincoln Log structure that Ki (my five year old) made the other day. She said it was a fast food restaurant. 

"Just like we do Mama"

"Hi J.R. Haven't seen you since yesterday. The usual? Say Hi to the kids for me"

* I do cook healthy for the record!Limiting the fast food intake, but sometimes, you just gotta do it! Sometimes, you just gotta give in. Sometimes you just need to slurp on that soda, and eat those greasy fries.

If you are a mother, have a mother, or know a mother! Happy Mothers Day.
As women, we are all Mother's. Whether we have actually had children or not. We have all 'mothered' somebody, somewhere, somehow! It is in our nature I think! So have a great day today!
Eat some fries, drink some Coke, and relax!
Happy Female Day! 

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Partying with my parents on a Saturday Night! 'Woop Woop!!'

I love to do nice things for people. It is just me! I wish I was rich, so I could do LOTS and LOTS of nice things, but I am not rich. But I make up for it with heartfelt love.

My mom is obsessed LOVES a band, The White Buffalo. The lead singer is a bit of a Hottie! In that  long haired, bearded, ruggedy kind of way.
Some of their music is played on the show, The Sons of Anarchy. Are you a fan?  WE ARE!!!!!!!
It is a show about a motorcycle gang. Violence, mild nudity, cussing, all the right stuff, ya know?!

My mama had wanted to see The White Buffalo up in Santa Cruz, which is where my brother lives near. But due to not feeling well around that time, she did not want to make the trip up there. And that was their last California show. Insert HUGE, GIGANTIC SAD FACE HERE!


A few months later...............

I logged onto Facebook one morning...........

and someone had posted something about The White Buffalo playing at the Belly Up.........





Got online, bought the tickets, surprised my mom.

Her reaction was a little somethin like this-

"Oh My God! No, No, Are you serious? Holy Sh*t!! Oh my gosh, No, Oh J.R., Oh my, Nooooo!!!
I get to see Jake!!! In person! Oh MY GOD!! Noo
Oh, shit, Oh shit!! Oh God!! 
Thank you honey!! 
Oh, Thank you!!!"

~then teary eyes~

And I have done my job! 

The show was this past Saturday.
My hubby and I
My mom and dad

A double date with my parents.

Want to know the best part?

We ate at a Restaurant before the concert that is attached to the club. My dad went out to put something in the car, and came back in and said 
"I think the lead singer is outside"

"Oh, are you serious. Oh , Oh, Oh my god! Should we go out there? Oh, Gosh!............"

The old teenager in me that was sometimes embarrassed of my mom's sometimes outgoing, exuberant personality started to resurface. 

But only for one second! 

I punched that snotty, bratty, moody, no good teenage J.R. straight in the nose! 

Knocked her out cold!
No place for her anymore!

Grabbed my moms hand and said 
"Come on! You may never get this chance again!"

And there he was!
Jake Smith
With his little son, wife, and what I assume to be his parents or in-laws.

My mom was starstruck!
We tried to act all cool, nonchalant, un-stalkerish. Like we were just goin for a stroll outside. My mom played it off pretty good! Acting 'surprised' to see him standing there.

 "I surprised my mom with tickets, she loves you. Can you pleeeeasssse take a picture with my mom?"

He said "sure"

Put his arm around her and smiled.

"Umm, you both have your eyes closed. Let me take another one"
* No way was I gonna have my mom holding dear to her heart a 'NOT PERFECT' photo!

My mom is beautiful, and had the most sincere, happy grin on her face!

Can you say perfect night?

I love my parents more than the world!
I wish I could do more for them!

I will leave you with a little video of the encore song. The 'Yeaaaaaaaah' at the very end is mom.
The 'Whoooooo' is from margarita induced me.
I did not know anything about them until my mom turned me onto their music.

This is a remake of an old song. See the original below.

To have been at this concert, and see all of these guys on one stage.