Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I may not have won the radio station contest for Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch to perform at my High School, but I just won this award!!! So take that Marky and your Funky Little Bunch!!!!

I would first like to thank the Academy, and all of my fans  Lily at The Incoherent Ramblings of a Moose! I have said this many times over, but she was my first real follower that was not a family member or faithful friend. Although after becoming a part of this blogging world, I feel as though friendships have formed. Is that weird??? Maybe?? A tiny bit?? Oh well, who cares.  Thank you Lily, your blog is amazing! I get you, I get your creative style of writing, because through all of the demon, spawn talk you are just a Mommy who loves her son. And if there are some out there that can't read between the lines and see it, well they are probably just boring, unimaginative, un-fun people, with no creative soul!!!  Thank You Lily for being a follower, or leader, depending on how you look at it, and thank you for your wonderful comments. I always look forward to those, along with your posts.

So this is my first award, and I will see if I do this correctly. Although the person whom gave me this award seems to go by her own set of rules in life, so I am pretty sure she meant it when she said that the rules are not set in stone. 
Way better than Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch

I will happily link back to Lily (and might I add that I deserve a special award for finally learning how to link) 
I already follow Lily
I will definitely proudly display my award (if I figure out how) 
5 of my favorite things- just five??
I will pass this on to 5 fellow bloggees- If I list you, you can either choose to pass it on, or just look at it as a public shout out to how much I adore your blog.Simple, Cross my heart! 
  1.  Link back to the person who gave you the award.
  2. Follow the person who gave you the award.
  3.  Proudly display your award on your blog.
  4.  list 5 of your favorite things.
  5. Pass on to 5 fellow bloggees

My five favorite things- 

First of all, from my blog we all know how much I love my family. My kids are definitely one of my favorite things. So I will leave them out of the list, because that is a given. I will actually list 5 random things out of the 100's of things that make me happy; to give a little insight into J.R. 

1.) The Beach- This picture is from our honeymoon in Kauai. Our local beaches make me just as happy. My dad is a surfer, so loving the beach is in my blood.  A towel, some snacks, sunscreen, and you are good to go. And it is free!!

2.) Lipgloss -I am addicted. My purse is full of them, my desk at work has 3 or 4, and they are all around the house. When my husband and I go out, I always ask him to hold my i.d (I am beyond getting carded, but a girl can dream) and my lip gloss!

2 1/2.)Nail Polishes make me happy. I used to only paint my toes, not enough patience to wait for my fingernails to dry, but then I tried an idea from Pinterest, and have been hooked. You can read about that and see the pictures here.

3.) Painting furniture- This came out of nowhere. I have always had a creative side, but never a creative outlet. About 12 years ago, the local Museum of Art was advertising night classes for Beginning Furniture Painting. My mom showed me the City flyer that came in the mail.I thought,'what the heck'. This was the first piece of furniture I ever painted.I will paint whatever you put in front of me, as long as I can go crazy with bright colors and polka dots. Fits perfectly with kids furniture. Mind therapy also!

4.) FUN WITH FRIENDS- I can be a bit of a homebody. My home is my happy place, but every once in a while, I just want to be with my girlfriends! Good friends are hard to find, and I have a few of them that I am so lucky to have in my life. We understand each other, and never get down on one another for being too busy. That is why, when we can, and do get together, watch out!!! The card below is from one of my best friends, and is so fitting for me! Although, robbing a bank may be where I draw the line! And what girl has not seen the movie Girls Just Want to Have Fun!! OH MY GOD, I used to dream that I was a character in that movie. All girls love to dance,it is just a fact! My best friend and I brought our teen daughters to Palm Springs last summer for a girls trip. One of the best weekends of my life. Being able to relax by a pool, have cocktails,talk with my friend and be silly with my daughters all in one weekend. (although drunken Karaoke was out of the question. Maybe next time without the daughters) I bought this DVD at Target for $5.00, brought it home for my girls and made them watch it right away! 
I have only done 3 out of the 5......Hmmmm, which 3 do you think? 
Cheesy movie? Maybe
Favorite movie? YES
Did I daydream about being discovered, and
becoming a dancer on a hit show like Sarah Jessica Parkers Character? YES

5.) Watching T.V. (preferably in bed)- While I was adding the picture of the beach from our honeymoon, I came across this picture. Yup, even on my honeymoon, I have got to get in some remote control time. In my defense, so I don't seem like a complete couch bed potato, I am certain I probably took this picture while waiting for my husband to get out of the shower. It most certainly was not taken while he was snorkeling at the beautiful beach right outside our room, while I cozied up in bed, channel surfing. Nope, I was definitely just killing time. Oh, but I do love me a bed and a t.v. - Happiness!!!

Now rule # 5, pass onto 5 Bloggees. Now again, I am passing this on, and going along with this because it is my first award, and I am FLIPPING excited!!! But I honestly feel as though Blogging probably does not have rules. It is for all of us, to just be who we are. And if you are someone whom does not do these, or you are having a busy week and you just don't have time. I understand.No Biggie :) I am a nice, non judgmental, understanding person. If I list you, just know it's cause I like you, and I still will!!!! - Insert Cheesy Grin Here

1.) Marianne at We Band of Brothers - I am semi new to the blogging world, and she was one of my first followers. She was also one of the first blogs that I started following. This is one of the first posts of hers that I read. She writes about her boys, hostessing parties with big sandwiches, her son resembling Slim Shady, and many other random tidbits of life that we can all relate to. Something about her just makes me like her!!! 

2.) Stephanie at Clay Baboons - Stephanie is AWESOME! And if I die, I want to come back to life as one of her clay creations so that I can grace the pages of her blog. I just don't want her to smash me! Her stories are heartwearming, cute, endearing, fun, and full of entertainment. Not to mention that it comes with its own claymation, handcrafted by Stephanie herself.  This being one of my favorites. Through being a fan of Stephanie's, I know she does not pass on these awards, but she does her own shout outs in her own way,and that is fine by me. She is GREAT!

3.) MOV at mothersofbrothersblog - She is great! Another one of the first blogs that I started reading. When I first started my blog, I was only writing, not reading. Then I realized, DUH!! I love to read, and here are some amazing blogs right under my nose. MOV has an amazing blog. She writes about her children, her husband, her life, and her love for Target all with a humorous twist! She has just added some decorating touches as well, which I can't wait to see more of. 

4.) Tina at What We Keep - I just started following her blog, and I really like it. She somehow finds a way to write about antiques, Halloween decorations, and the annoyance of having to drive 6 hours to bring her husband a spare set of car keys, all mixed together. (O.K. Annoyance was my word, but Tina, you had to be completely annoyed??? RIGHT??) I like this blog, it has a perfect mix of whimsy, smiles, and good stories. :)

5.) It is getting late, my daughter is calling me from her room, and my other daughter is having a fashion crisis. My stomach hurts, and I think I may have to use the restroom soon. Not to mention it has already taken me a few days to even sit long enough to type something, and learning how to link, wow I need an award just for that.(which I am now doing full force. From now on, I am gonna go crazy, and you can call me J.R. the LinkMaster)So for # 5, I am going to say that I really enjoy the new blogs that I have started following in the past couple of weeks.I cannot wait to read more. If I could just get my children and husband to leave me alone for more than an hour. Dam them!!! ( Love them, but DAM THEM!!) 

Well this was fun! My sweet parents probably think I won an actual real award that will be displayed on my mantle;There goes that unconditional love they spoiled me with.  My daughter asked if I was "makin any money yet from this blog" and when I said "No, that is not really what it is for" then I am pretty sure I lost her interest.My husband just smiles, hugs me, and says "Wow babe, your first blog award! Cool, I'm stoked for you" I think he is reading magazine articles that say being supportive is a turn on to your wife. I wish that he would read an article that states that doing laundry is the real way into a woman's bed! 

This was fun, and whether you pass it on or not, I still love all of your blogs! :) Thank you for sharing your lives with me day in and day out, and for letting me share mine. 

Friday, February 24, 2012

Quotes from my household and some Saturday Night Live memories

My 13 year old daughter: "For my 16th Birthday, will you take me to get a tattoo?"

Me: "ARE YOU SERIOUS? DID YOU JUST SERIOUSLY ASK ME THAT? I am a cool mom, but I am not that cool! ............Well, I am that cool, but not THAT, that cool!! Tattoos don't happen till after 18 years of age, in which you will do it without me knowing,and then not show me right away, just like I did to Mema and Papa!There is a certain order, and it does NOT begin at 16" 

My 13 year old daughter: "Soooo, No?"

In her dreams!
I have always told them to follow their dreams.
I'm screwed!

My 15 year old daughter: "Can I try your wedding dress on? Just for fun? I love your dress!"

Me: "Yeee, YES!! It'll be fun!"

My 15year old daughter: "Yeah, I want to wear your dress one day"

Me: "WOW, that is every mothers dream! You can even wear my earrings, and the diamond necklace"

My 15 year old daughter: "Or, I can just wear this necklace that Jacob gave me.Since I will be marrying him"

Me: "O.K. take the dress off, we are done! This isn't fun anymore!I thought we were playing dress up, you, on the other hand, thought you were planning your wedding to your 16 year old boyfriend! Playtime over, call me when you are 30" 

My 15 year old daughter: "I am going to marry him one day! I love him"

Me: "Yeah I was in love when I was 15. Come over to my laptop, let me sign onto my Facebook, and I will show you a picture of how my 15 year old LOVE turned out!"

My 15 year old daughter: "Ewww!! Yuck!!!"

Me: "Not a pretty sight huh?? That is why you will graduate high school,go to college (or not)  travel, have fun, be single, theeeennnnnn you will fall in love, get married, have kids and settle down! 27 year old you will thank 15 year old you for not marrying Jacob" 

See the necklace?
Should I ship her away to an all girls boarding school?
Better yet, let's just ship Jacob away. Do you think his parents will miss him??

My husband: "Babe, the laundry is getting a bit out of hand. I know you have been working more hours, would you like me to start helping?"

Me thinking to myself: uhhh DUH!!! 

Me: "Yes, M, that'd be awesome."

Husband: "O.K., then I will start helping today. HEY GIRLS!!! Come upstairs,you are going to start folding and putting away the laundry in our room. Help your mom out, O.K.?
There! All taken care of"

Me: "Are you serious?That is how you are going to help me, by making the girls do it? They already have their set chores, and it doesn't include folding your shorts! Gee, thanks!!!!"

Inside out Rapunzel nightgown? Not even mine
Towels? Mostly all my husbands

Me to my now 18 year old ADULT son: "What is that on your arm? It's like a scab, or like a burn or something? What happened?"

18 year old MATURE son: "Oh,it's frostbite!"

Me: "FROSTBITE??? We live by the beach! The sun has been shining all week!How did you get frostbite?" 

18 year old poster child for Maturity: "Well, some friends of mine were talking about the ice cube salt trick, so I tried it! They said it causes a chemical reaction on your skin. They are so stupid! It doesn't cause a chemical reaction, it causes Frostbite!"

Me: "Uhhh, THEY'RE stupid????? Who's the one with frostbite?"
Frostbite, not a Chemical Reaction! DUH!!!!

K, my 5 year old daughter: "Mama, where are we going?"

Me: "To the bank, and to take your sister to spend her gift card at Tilly's"

K: "Can you put your ipod on?"

Me: "Yes"

K: "Can you turn on Lady Gaga?"

Me, mumbling to myself: "I think you are with your big sisters too much"

K: "What did you say Mama?"

Me: "Oh, I said you must hang out with your sisters too much"

K: "No Mama, I hang out with you"

Ki, my 13 year old: "Yeah Mom, she's right. Whose ipod is it anyway? Not Mine! She's drivin around with you all day long, not me."

Me: "Well........Bad Romance is one of my favorites.............Come on girls, sing along!"
*Totally appropriate sing-a-long, right???

Hey Mama, what do you think about me making a dress out of leaves? I could then have a tree branch sticking out from a beehive on my head. Lady GaGa will be the inspiration behind my fashion.
You wanna help me collect some leaves?

Tattoos, early marriage dreams, causing bodily harm to oneself with an ice cube, avoidance of helping with laundry,and a 5 year old singing along to Lady Gaga

These are just specks of sand in the never ending stretch of beach that is my family!
They drive me absolutely bonkers, but honest to god, sometimes I sit back and say out loud
"I have really cool kids"

The thirteen year old who talks about tattoos is a straight A student with numerous awards and words of praise from her teachers. She is intrigued by the thought of tattoos right now,but she is young. She is also amazed at how many lip glosses and shades of nail polish there are in the world, and I think she is determined to own every color (wherever does she get that from??) If her intrigue turns into an actual infinity symbol tattooed on her wrist one day, well so be it. At the age of 18 I will neither promote, nor forbid. I will just love and not judge! She will still be my gorgeous, smart as a whip little girl that I call "Sweetie"

My fifteen year old daughter who is 'so in love with her boyfriend' that she talks about marrying him, is the same fifteen year old daughter that is one day going to be crying on my shoulder because they have broken up. And she is the same 15 year old daughter that is one day going to have a beautiful wedding, marrying a man with a beautiful heart, have beautiful children, and live a beautiful life. She will then show her daughter a picture of her boyfriend at 15, and together they can giggle. My daughter is going to make an amazing young woman. She already has!

My 18 year old son actually is one of the most intelligent people I know. He was recognized for his genius brain in pre-school,when at 3 years old he explained magnetic fields, instead of sharing his favorite toy.He then went on to be in G.A.T.E. classes in Elementary school.A genius mind is a curious mind. A curious mind can't help itself sometimes. A curious mind may actually find a cure for cancer. You never know! But that little boy who put a bar of soap in the microwave just to see what happens, or went outside to blow leaves, but wound up attaching the leaf blower to his skateboard to make it 'blow him' down the sidewalk, well that little boy is always going to exist. And it's a good thing too, because he makes me laugh! I will just hide the salt shaker when he is over.

My 5 year old Lady Gaga singing daughter! Those are some of our silliest times. Singing our hearts out in my car. Me trying to flip my rear view mirror down just a tad, so that I can watch her in her booster seat. My little girl has a heart of gold, and the personality of a thousand performers on a stage. When I was young, Saturday Night Live was a family favorite of ours. Should an Elementary school child be up at Midnight on a Saturday Night watching the likes of John Belushi, Dan Akroyd, Chevy Chase and Gilda Radner? I will answer for myself and say "YES" Yes, because those are memories that I will always have.Mental images of my big brother imitating John Belushi's famous One Eyebrow Raise, or myself standing on the bricks of our old fireplace and doing my Gilda Radner Roseanne Roseannadanna impression!
A garage sale purchase from my husband to me. The SNL First Season Boxed set.Another reason I love him. Laundry? Not so great at! Listening to his wife's childhood stories, he shines!!
I never knew that any of these actors were high, or down and out. I just knew that when they were on the t.v.. my family was laughing. We were all together in our family room waiting for the next scene.I didn't always make it through, probably falling asleep next to my mom on the couch.But I tried to keep my eyes open.I can't even say that we watched EVERY SINGLE episode.Memories from childhood sometimes mesh together, and you can have a hard time deciphering a true time line. Whether it was a skit featuring the Coneheads or John Belushi impersonating Joe Cocker, we were all smiles! I'm sure I didn't even understand half the jokes they were saying. I didn't even know who Joe Cocker was, so I thought John Belushi was Joe Cocker.
The words "Live from New York........It's Saturday Night" will always give me a good, warm, safe feeling.
So when my daughter is 30 something years old, maybe she will turn on a radio and hear an oldie by Lady Gaga,smile,and have that same familiar feeling. It is o.k. that the warm feeling she is getting is from a girl who wears meat covered dresses, or hoops around her head. That part doesn't matter, because like the SNL jokes went over my head, Lady Gaga goes over my daughters head. She just knows the words to Bad Romance go like this:

Moma Mo Mama a a
Moma Romamama
Ga Ga O la la a
Chum Chum Romance
I want your pumpkin, I want your ribbons
You and me could find a bag o mance
Wo Oh Oh Oh
Chum Chum Romance!

*She even has me singing "Chum Chum Romance"

A sense of humor, good times with family,and the ability to sometimes not take it all too seriously! 
All of that, mixed with the unconditional love that my parents have always given to me, made me who I am today! And one day, it will make my children who they are.No matter who or what they become, I will love them unconditionally!

I will love them unconditionally, On One Condition...............................

Monday, February 20, 2012

Some may call it "over explaining", I call it a big ol' run on sentence of entertainment!

This post is just going to be a whole bunch of sentences. I am starting off explaining why I started blogging, but I am not sure how I will end. Didn't really plan out this one.


One of the reasons I started blogging was because I like to write. That is most likely the case with all bloggers, I am sure.

But my desire to write does not come from a place of sophisticated literature knowledge.
It does not come from a 4 year stint at a University, where I am now putting my degree to good use.
Not even a 2 week try at a Junior College, taking English, Art,Psychology,Math and Human Sexuality

I actually just like to tell stories. I love the feeling of being in a room full of people, whether it is at a party, a PTA meeting, work, or in line at the grocery store, and being able to feel connected to others because of the words that are flowing from my mouth. If words start trickling out, and those trickles turn into a steady flow, and that steady flow fills up into a large pool of sentences, words, laughter, feelings, emotions, and it is then reciprocated by whomever is near or listening, then I feel as though I have literally won a prize. An award, a Mental Trophy with my name engraved on it.

1st Place Award
Most likely to connect with others through words and stories

I also love comedy. I love when I am flipping channels, and come across a good stand up comedian. My favorite type of standup is the type where you are literally slapping your knee, (or in my case, punching my husbands leg each time I laugh) and with each 'punch'line, you are saying outloud:
That has totally happened to me!
I know what he/she is talking about!
OH MY GOD! I know that feeling!
Uggghhhh, I hate that too, so Fricking Funny!
That diarrhea joke was INSANE,**but that HAS happened to me!
OH, My stomach hurts from laughing!

I want to be that comedian.
I want to be that storyteller.
I want to be the reason people are slapping their knees.

I cannot, in fact I think I am physically incapable, of writing a short story, a short post, a short text, a short comment, a short email, a short note. 
Even when I sign my credit card statement at a store, my hand starts trembling. 

 A short note. This is a good example. Sometimes my 13 year old daughter will come out of her room in the morning and ask me to write her a note for p.e., so that she does not have to do the Friday Mile Run. I always happily oblige. Why? My daughter is a go getter. She is a perfectionist at everything. From her outfits, hair and makeup, to her organized room, and schoolwork.My daughter is not a slacker, and she has straight A's, and awards up the you know what.So if she wants to get out of the run, it is for a good reason, which is usually because she stayed up too late studying. How could I deny her a note.

Her idea of a note:
Dear Mr. P.E. Teacher,
Please excuse K from the run today.
Thank you,

The note I actually write, because my hands and mind won't STOP:
Dear Mr. P.E. Teacher,
Hello, how is your day? Great! Well, I am writing this note to please ask you to excuse my daughter, K, from running the mile long run today due to the fact that she had stayed up late last night studying for her History Benchmark tests. I am sure you are aware of what a good student she is, so I am sure this will be no problem. But I also wanted to mention, that I do not fully agree that late night studying is a valid excuse for missing your run, that is why I will also tell you that she seems to be fighting off some sort of upper respiratory issues. I can hear it in her breathing. I may even take her to the doctor today. If so I will keep you updated. 
Anyway, thank you so much, and thank you for being a great teacher. She told me that funny story about you explaining to the class how you became a p.e. teacher in the first place. I like telling stories too. 
In case K starts coughing.... *at this point teenage daughter grabs the pen from my hand, rolls her eyes, points to the clock and says "mooomm. I asked for a note! Not a book!God, so embarrassing!"

K's Mom
**Oh my god mom, he knows your'e my mom! Who else would he think it was? You don't have to write that! 

I went to a 6 year old's Birthday Tea Party yesterday. A daughter of a good friend of mine. Half of the people there I am extremely close with. Like BFF kind of close. 

Half of the people there I had never met until that day.

So I cracked a joke during a silent moment when I was sitting in the living room with half of the moms I did not know. I then realized, it may or may not have been considered funny to them. So I nervously laughed, and said "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't know if that was funny or inappropriate? I mean, I guess I just met you guys"
The silent milasecond, seemed like a silent 3 hours with crickets chirping. 
But then they all three laughed, and one, spoke up and said:
"Oh, it was completely appropriate!! 
And completely funny!
That was a good one"
*I can't remember her name, but she will now be called 'Cool Mom'

But that moment, that little tiny moment of connection with humor made my day!
"That was a good one"- Has seriously got to be my favorite compliment

that and 

"WOW! You look smokin hot!!"
"Oh my god, I cannot believe you are _ _ years old! You look 20!"
"WOW! You look smokin hot!!" 
*did I mention that one already?
"You are the greatest human being that has ever walked this earth"

I mean, those are all nice to hear also, but "That was a good one" makes me smile inside.

At work it is hard for me to write a short email.




I have attached the contract you requested. Please sign, or have your supervisor sign, then email back to me. Fax is fine also, as long as it is done before today at 3 p.m.

Professional Lady

My Reply:

Subject: Signed Contract

Hello Professional Lady,
Can you believe this weather we are having? Gorgeous day out today! Makes you want to skip the office, and head down to the beach.
Jane Doe has signed the addendum as well as enclosure A. I have scanned the signature pages, and will include that in this email. Funniest thing though! While I was scanning, I was telling my co worker a story, so I was distracted, and had  forgotten to check the scanner for papers left behind from the person who was previously using it. There was a picture of my co workers new baby in there. She is adorable!!! So along with the contract, you will also be getting a picture of a 2 week old baby girl. Just wanted to warn you. I was going to delete that from the PDF file, but figured what the heck, I'd leave it in there. Newborn babies can brighten a day! 

If you have any questions or comments regarding the attachment, or enclosure A, please feel free to call me at the office.But if you call after 2 p.m. I may not be here. I am off early today, due to the fact that my daughter has some upper respiratory issues, and I will be taking her to the doctor. 
But you can feel free to call me on my cell (555)555-5555. Please leave a voicemail if I do not answer, and I will return your call as soon as I can.

Thank you and have a great weekend. Although it is only Thursday, I say Have a Good Weekend on all of my Thursday emails, because I have Fridays off. So have a good Thursday! Also, I am joking about the newborn baby photo. It was scanned, that part was true. But I deleted it from the attachment.If you do want it, I can always email it to you. LOL! :) 

Best Regards,
K's Mom
* ooops wrong note

Her Reply


Subject: Contract

Received the attachment. Everything seems to be in order.

Professional Lady

* Ugghh, she did not even acknowledge my baby pic joke. Did not mention that I accidentally told her I was K's mom. Did not say anything about the weather, the weekend, or Happy Thursday!
Hmmmm, should I reply to her reply? I could explain myself.
"Don't do it J.R.!!! Don't do it!!!Leave it be!!"
By the way, that is not my inner voice. That is my Co-Worker who also happens to be one of my BFF's. We share an office, and she knows me so well. 

Some of these examples may make me seem a bit obnoxious.
I can assure you, I do have tact, and I do know the appropriate times to let out the obnoxiousness, and when to keep it in.

But my obnoxiousness has actually turned around the most stick up the butt people, and made them smile. So it has to be workin for me on some level.

This "professional lady", after years of emailing back and forth, has her own silly side. 
The other day she started off an email with a :
Bwwwwaaaaa Haaaa Haaaa - evil laugh 
(had to do with an email we both mutually had to deal with)
Then a ;) winky smiley face- took me years to get one of those out of her.
Then she ended it with telling me about her vacation.

So I may not be bringing peace to the world,
Or curing world hunger
but my over explaining story telling has brought out 
the over explaining story telling of another human being.

And that,
 my friends,
brings me joy!

*also obnoxious is one of my favorite words. Literally! I use it a lot. I like the way it sounds. It can have negative meanings, or (sometimes in my case) positive.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Tree Branches are a 'Thorn' in my side!!

I have been following the tree branch of blogs.
I use the phrase 'tree branch' for a TON of stuff. I click on a blog that I follow, then see what blogs they follow, and before you know it my eyes are stinging, my laptop battery is drained, I can't remember what blogs I had clicked on in the beginning, which ones I meant to go back to, who I had decided to start following, and who I decided to definitely NOT FOLLOW because right away I could tell our Blogs would not play well together in the sand box.

More Tree Branch examples-

My husband and I had an argument today, and it 'Tree Branched' into a Flippin Redwood. Not sure how a little twig starts sprouting other twigs, branches, and leaves.Sometimes turning into a forest!
We both wound up having the day off together. I always have Fridays off, but he of course does not.  WOW! A day off together! What should we do? Take a drive to downtown San Diego? A stroll by the beach, followed by lunch? Or,  taking our daughter to her 9:00 a.m. dentist appointment. I put on my new pair of clearance rack, but Waaaayyyy adorable, cargo jeggings from American Eagle Outfitters, straightened my hair, dabbed on some lip gloss, sprayed some Justin Bieber perfume that I stole from my daughters room,  Victoria's Secret Pink perfume, and I was ready for my day.
My husband wasn't lookin all that shabby either. In fact he looked a bit spiffy in his button up shirt and jeans. Yes, we could take on the WORLD  crying 5 year old in a dental exam chair!

Oh, but I will rewind. I will rewind to before my husband looked all handsome in his casual, yet sharp looking attire. I will rewind to when the tree branch was simply a twig.

"Ki guess what! Daddy doesn't have to go to work today! Wouldn't you love to have him go with us to your dentist appointment, so that he can help mommy and the nice dental assistant hold you down while you scream and kick, as your first cavity is filled, and maybe Daddy can sweat through his shirt, and hold back tears while you scream "please Mommy, Please. No more mommy! I don't like the dentist mommy"  hold your hand while you so calmly have your tooth worked on."

Ki- "Yay, DADDY is going with us to the dentist!"

Tree Branch. Right. Back to the Tree Branch.
Well, my husband did not start off with a collared shirt on. No siree!!!!!
I woke up this morning feeling a sense of fun and adventure. I can't explain why, I just did. I also figured that my normal Friday outfit of FYM (Fake Yoga Mom- have the look of a mom who just stepped out of a yoga studio, or is getting ready to step into one. But really, it was just a stretch pants/Nike kind of day, and the laundry had been a bit ignored this week) was going to stay in the closet. I wanted to dress up a bit for my man today. I wanted him to look at me as I tripped skipped down the stairs, and think "Wow, my wife still has it goin on"

My husband walked upstairs with a beanie on his head, his work shorts, work sweatshirt, and his construction boots. 

Remember back a few paragraphs? No? I will remind you.

He had the DAY OFF!!!

as in
as in

So I did the famous wife/girlfriend/any living female moan-


Husband walking past me grabbing his toothbrush


Husband pretending to not hear my "Uh's"


Husband starting to undo his belt

Me thinking "Oh, he is undoing his belt! Yay, he is going to change into something nicer"

Husband only taking his belt off to go pee!
NOT to change his outfit.


Husband: "You ready? I am"


Husband: "O.K., well I will meet you downstairs"


Me talking to myself:
"J.R. Don't do it!! Don't do it J.R. Don't open your mouth. Just let him be. He looks fine. He even has the Hot Construction Worker look goin on! Leave him be" 

The other Me talking to Me:
"Construction M is always here! I want nice jeans that show off his cute butt! I want collared shirt that I bought him at Macy's! I want his Reef brown flip flops so that he has that Beachy Casual look, to go with my Beachy Casual Look, just in case we casually go eat lunch BY THE BEACH!!" 

The other, other Me, talking to the other, other Me:
"Uh, you are kinda crazy! Did he even ask you to lunch, because I heard him on the phone earlier, and I think he has plans after the dentist's office. I think he actually needs to keep those construction boots on. He was going to work around the yard later, then help his friend out"

The other, other, other Me
"Shut Up, all of you!"

I just couldn't stop myself.
I watered the Tree Branch.It was on it's way, limbs growing, leaves forming, pine cones and all. 
I said those words that many men are used to hearing, but for some reason my husband takes great offense to....

ME: "M, are you really going to wear that?
Or did you want to wear something else?"

Husband in a tone, that I am pretty sure was NOT sincere:"What would I ever do without you J.R.? What would I do without you 'reminding' me that I actually wanted to wear something else!!" 

ME: "No, No! You look fine! I meant, like...... like. I meant, like did you want to wear that red beanie, or did you want to wear the blue one that matches your......ummmm........that matches your.. your BOOTS!" 

Husband: "I'm changing babe. Fine, I will put on a collared shirt! Would you like me to put on a tie, and get my dress shoes shined as well?" - Ya think he was being sarcastic?

He took off the work clothes
Dabbed a bit of cologne on
I am making up the cologne part,
but his deodorant smells really good

Put on my favorite pair of jeans
Put on a casual collared shirt

He came downstairs, and tried not to smile at me
He came downstairs, and tried to be annoyed at me!

Once in the car, everything was Roses and Sunshine. 
I told him he looked handsome, he smiled and said 
"Thanks, I actually forgot about this shirt you bought me. I do like it"

All was right with the world. Our day was started.

The dentist appointment went well. Our daughter was Awesome. No tears!

Then we drove STRAIGHT HOME!

We did not go for a Casual Lunch Date at the Beach. 
We did not have any spontaneous fun
We did not get to show off our Nicely Outfitted 'selves to all who cared
**I don 't think anyone cares**
'Shut up Negative Me!!'

we went home 
and watered the tree branch.
We watered the tree branch, until other branches grew.

One branch was about bills!- Why does he always go to the mailbox right when we pull up in the driveway? 

*I need to talk with that mailman of ours. Can't he deliver happiness??!!!
One branch was about the sticky mess left by one of our daughters trying to hide a blender mishap- Did he not feel the sticky floor beneath his shoes this morning?  
*or, I'm sorry, excuse me, beneath his Super Cool Construction Boots!! 
One branch sprouted off of that branch, and then the leaves started growing, along with some prickly pineconey looking things. Prickly pine cones are the worst! 
Those usually come with jabs, and start off this way:
"And you know what else bugs me about you???........."

Yellowstone National Forest is now in our living room

  • Speaking of sticky floors, I can't even see our floor in the bedroom. Are you on strike from the laundry?Or are we waiting for a laundry fairy to fly down?
  • And I did not think women were supposed to be such slobs. I mean really, how does toothpaste splatter to the top of the mirror when you are brushing your teeth?
  • Also, I am trying to do a low carb diet. But you seem to only be shopping at the High Carb Warehouse! A little support would help!
  And One More Thing
  • I am a grown man. I can dress myself. If I wake up and put on shorts, a shirt, shoes, or a frickin feather boa, it's my choice! It is because I chose that! I don't get dressed thinking, 'Ummmm, now what am I doing?? What is my name?? Where is my wife? I could soooo use her help right now!' 
Ahhhhhhh, so that is what this was about?
The outfit debacle was the beginning.
It was a little seed planted in the forest.

ME: You are soooooo turning this into a big ol' Tree Branch of arguments. Blah! You suck!


You see not all Tree Branching is bad!

After some time apart,
(Me with my trusty laptop
Him with his garage manly stuff)
We salvaged the rest of the day. Me putting on my FYM outfit (those Cargo Jeggings were a bit tight), him taking off his collared shirt, where underneath he was wearing his #1 dad t-shirt that the kids had bought him last year. We watched an afternoon movie with the kids, sat upstairs and folded laundry together while listening to my ipod on the new iHome he bought me,and we laughed and talked. We talked about how much bills suck ass! We talked about his business, and how we could help it grow (he is a General Contractor), we talked about his bad attitude when it comes to watching The Office with me, and he said he would give it another try. We left our teen daughters on the couch, snuggled up with our five year old watching Sponge Bob and we went on an evening date. It may have just been to Trader Joes, but it was nice. He grabbed a basket with one hand, and put his arm around me with his free arm. We each picked out a bottle of wine, grabbed the tortillas we needed for our dinner, and talked about how we want to start eating healthier (Even me. God I love junk food) 
Then we walked out of Trader Joes and were immediately accosted by Girl Scouts. 2 boxes of Thin Mints, and then we will start our new Healthy Lifestyle. He laughed at me as I opened the box as soon as we got in the car. 


"Nothing, just you!"

"Well, I mean I picked out Moscato. It is like a dessert wine. So I needed some dessert."

"I know. I just love you!"

Point is, that sometimes squabbles need to happen.
Sometimes prickly pine cones can be a bother. 
But when you walk into a field and collect them, you can bring them home and make some pretty cool crafts out of them.

A new branch had formed.
An Olive Branch

* I dedicate this post to my husband

I love you, even when you wear your work clothes.
But I love you lots more when you wear nice clothes.
The End

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I am a bit immature, with a bit of a dirty mind.......Happy Valentines Day

Ki, my 5 year old, wanted to decorate her Barbie Dream House. It was really quite cute to be honest. We were sitting in our living room watching DVR'd episodes of The Office Educational Children's Programming, and she looked up at some of our framed pictures on the wall and said
"Mommy, my Barbie house needs pictures.You know, like what we have. Like, pictures of stuff,pictures of people, just pictures. We could take pictures of my Barbies and put them in their house."

I told her to shush, because I don't like to do crafts, or anything for that matter, while I am watching my shows to hold on for one moment while I looked through my craft supplies.

Never one to shy away from a craft challenge. Actually that is a lie.I will shy away from a craft challenge.

Let me rephrase-

Never one to shy away from a craft challenge, after having 4 cups of coffee, I hopped up, told her to follow me upstairs, and we were now in business at the Barbie Dream House Interior Design Company. I cut out little white squares of paper so that we could create 'Art',then used brown construction paper to make the frames. 

Evidence of Caffeine Induced Craft Time

See, I made the 'Home Sweet Home' sign, and my daughter made the 'Abstract Picasso-esque' print underneath.
Then added the Purple Flowers to the Window garden box.

Did anyone ever see that episode of Friends, where Monica was all OCD about her perfect dollhouse? And she wouldn't let Phoebe touch it, because she thought she'd ruin it? So Phoebe made her own doll house out of cardboard, and it blew Monicas out of the water!!! Phoebes was homemade, but SUPER COOL. Disco light, bubbles that came out of ceiling, everything. That is what my daughter and I are going for. We are going to use our imagination, and create wonderful,extraordinary additions to the (newly renamed) Magical, Whimsical, Barbies House of Dreams. Imagination is the KEY!!!

Speaking of Imagination

Speaking of House of Dreams

Our Artsy, Fartsy Design Time was interrupted by my Imagination...
My Dirty Imagination
I will pre-apologize

Can you use your imagination
(your dirty imagination) 
And IMAGINE a caption for the picture below
Is it just me, or is the placement of his hand a bit, well, umm........

Just me?



Just Me??

Oh, and her legs DON'T, absolutely WILL NOT close.
I tried!
There is some spring action that 'Boings' them back open!

Now, I am not one to screw around with the sanctity of the ever pure Barbie, but this was asking for it.

This Barbie Man, whose name given by my daughter is
Mustache for short!
He came to us in a hand me down bag of clothes. Maybe from my Aunt?? I think?? I can't remember. But poor Mustache is a joke in our family. Not to Ki, she doesn't understand the reason we are all laughing at Mustache, but to the older crew in my household, Mustachios hand placement has been an ever increasing source of pure distasteful cackling.For a while he was our only male Barbie. So when she asked her Dad, or big brother to play Barbies with her, they had to be Mustache.
You think I am Immature???
Dad / Big Brother / Mustache
It just leaves you with a 5 year old saying:
"What? What is so funny?What? Why aren't you playing? Stop laughing!! What???"

Mustachio is always ready to go with his hand.
Maybe Years of Barbie having a Headache.
Not sure.
Remember when you were little and you would make an awful face, and your mom would tell you
"Keep makin that face, and your face'll freeze like that!"Well Barbie must have had one to many headaches, and poor Mustaches hands just froze like that!

But Not Today Folks........

Barbie looks like she has had a few glasses of wine!
She looks a bit disheveled!
She looks like she has the opposite of a head ache. Actually she looks as though she did have a headache, but decided to take a couple of Vicodin, washed down with some Merlot.
Mustachio may get some lovin tonight.
Perfect for Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day everybody

*Maybe I just have a really, super duper immature mind.
(o.k. the fact that I just used the words SUPER DUPER, kinda confirm it) But, I am sure Mustachio is actually some sort of G.I. Joe doll. And I am sure his open circled hands are actually meant to carry a weapon of sort and certainly not for holding onto his
_ _ _ _ !!

** Oh My God People B E E R!! Holding his B E E R!!

What were you thinking?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Mean lady in parking lot! That is what I thought about during another sleepless night!

So as I lay there wondering why I was messing with I. Why Me was torturing Me? Why Myself wasn't letting Myself get the sleep it deserved, my brain started doing what it always does when it is spinning out of control in a sleep deprived state. It started replaying certain situations over and over!

That is what I do when I can't sleep. I think about altercations I have had, conversations where I felt one way but acted in another. Where I didn't want to be confrontational,so I wound up not speaking my mind. Be it with strangers,co-workers, friends, family. I think about things that went on during my day, and how I should have handled them, as opposed to how I did handle them. So I figure until I become a different person, or totally alter my personality through brain transplant, I will have dialogues with myself. I will completely re-enact moments from my day, only in my re-enactments, I will be a Bad Ass Chick. (Totally not a phrase I use much)  I won't take shit from anybody! No more Mister Nice Guy (Gal) Maybe this will be a self therapy kind of thing.Or it'll make me seem crazy when my husband or kids walk in on me having conversations with myself. One 'Bad Ass' me yelling at 'wimpy' me! 

Here is one random scene from my day-

I pulled into a Home Depot parking lot to pick up my daughter. It is across the street from her High School, and that is where all the parents pick their kids up. (Well... the smart parents that don't want to wait in the cluster f*ck of a pick up circle ) As soon as I whipped in, I realized I was going a bit fast around the corner,and it startled the driver coming out of the lane. She looked at me like I was the Devil, (or a Bitch)  so I gave her the universal smile/wave/nod that means "My bad!Oops!Sorry!" I mean I really was sorry. For reals!!I hate upsetting people when I am driving. I spaced out at a stop sign once, and went when it wasn't my turn. After realizing it, I found the person, and mouthed the most hearfelt "I'm sorry. So So SORRY" They waved and mouthed "It's O.K." and we were Stop Sign Soulmates after that.
So you see, I don't like people being mad at me.

So this lady (and I am pretty sure she was a carpool mom herself, and not a Home Depot shopper) puts on her brakes, rolls down her window, and mouths "Fucking Idiot"
Oh Boy!!!  I don't like being called names, confrontation gives me diarrhea, so what did I do?  WHAT DID I DO?? Cover your ears.........................I did nothing!!!!! I just gave her  the exaggerated guilt cringe, then smiled/waved/nodded, and pulled up to where my daughter was waiting.I didn't do anything. I even said I was sorry. Gosh that lady hates me now. I will think about this allllll day. Didn't she know I was sorry, and that I am actually a nice person, not a F*cking Idiot!! Insert sad face here. 

But....what I should have done was this- "You know what Lady?Don't get your panties in a bunch. First of all, I didn't even hit your dumb ass!!!!I gave you the universal gesture for 'I'm soooo sorry,'  but screw you, I take my wave back! I take my guilty cringe back! You know what,YOU KNOW WHAT?? Screw that! I take my smile back too!!! and...........ONE LAST THING........ IGNORE MY COEXIST STICKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It doesn't pertain to you!!!"

Now that may have made me feel better!

Coexisting can be hard when there are so many Non-Coexisters
I myself have been guilty of shooting one of my fingers up at someone who cuts me off, then I remember my sticker.
Maybe instead of a sticker, I should get a removable magnet.
Woke up singing with the birds? - Magnet ON
Woke up telling the birds to 'Shut the hell up!!' - Magnet OFF